How to Stop Being a Victim of Your Own Stress

I am not talking about average daily stress, I am taking about the insidious stress that we intentionally put upon ourselves each time we recall an event, experience, or person from our past. We hold onto grudges fiercely, then repeat and repeat the stories over and over in our minds. These are the stories that when recalled, bring you right back to that time and place to feel the emotions, the feelings, and even to the very taste in your mouth reinforcing your grudge.

These worn out, overplayed stories carry with them hidden open wounds and hidden hates as we secretly keep them to ourselves, blaming everyone and causing amplified stress to our whole being. Who are we all trying to fool?! The person we are holding a grudge against and blaming in our story is probably sunning their self on the beach in Morocco or enjoying a romantic dinner with their significant other, oblivious to the ranting in our head. They still have no idea that we are angry, they are not participating, and therefore we are the ones creating our own stress.

We all have these stories and some carry on for years. For me, it took five years or more to forgive my ex-husband for cheating on me, and I will tell you, I had so many stories that I could have written 100 books. In each one, I was the starring stressed-out victim.

I tried to forgive so many times, but to no avail. Why does it take so long to forgive, to truly release and let go?

There are many reasons and many times the answers are hard to accept. The list below is the many reasons I could not let go of my stories and you may be able to relate as well.

 I preferred to be right instead of happy.
 Unconsciously, I secretly loved to blame because it pointed my finger outward instead of inward where the real problem lied and I did not want to take responsibility for my own thoughts.
 My ego that loves to blame, screamed so loudly that it was all I heard. At the time I was not aware that I was making that choice of my ego.
 I was fearful to really explore my inner world.
 I was taught conditional and special forgiveness. I later learned that this type of forgiveness kept me in a continual cycle of blame and stress.

I learned that true forgiveness is a process and a new way to see and heal. I was taught true forgiveness through A Course in Miracles.

In a nutshell, for most of us, we are taught to forgive that when an event happens with another person, when we feel we have been wronged, the other person is made to be the bad person. Typically, we are taught to take the “high road” (I will forgive you, but, I am right, and you are still wrong). We outwardly forgive that person and then forget it all happened, but secretly, in our inner recesses, we view that person burning in hell for all eternity. Then, we feel guilty for wishing that person to burn in hell for all eternity.

The next step for many people, is the bargaining session between yourself and God to alleviate the guilt running rampant though your head. Guilt and fear overtake your whole being because now you are viewing yourself burning in hell for all eternity for wishing this on someone else. And we wonder why we are stressed?

True Forgiveness and the Benefits
When you practice true forgiveness, you get in touch with your Higher Self and you are willing to see with its eyes through the false images of your ego. You accept that your Higher Self sees the person you are angry with, as their true essence, unconditional love, unending peace, expanding joy and in Oneness at all times. You accept this about yourself as well.

You remember that you are never upset for what you think you are upset about. You recognize the reflection of what is unconsciously in your ego. You agree to allow your Higher Self to shine healing light and remove those thoughts from your mind.

 While true forgiveness is simple, it is not easy. It’s not easy, because we have been operating with our ego for so long that this change of perspective is uncomfortable and our ego hates it. Our ego loves to blame and does not want to be found out.

 The benefits of practicing true forgiveness are endless and lead to inner peace, love and joy. Stress is dramatically reduced and at times eliminated.

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excerpt from Stress Out, show stress who's the boss Chapter excerpt, Forgiveness, by Nancy Miiller (c)
Self Investment Publishing
ISBN#9780981523835

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